Love is awesome!, it remains one of the best feelings in the world.
You just met someone, and the next date is coming up. When you don’t know each other, the beginnings can sometimes be a little difficult. To put all the chances on your side and make sure you get off to a good start, follow the advice of the clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, Elisabeth Couzon.
Staying focused on yourself
Knowing what you want and what you don’t want is imperative to start a relationship. Elisabeth Couzon, a psychologist, advises asking the following questions: “What is important to me? What do I really want now, what do I need? »
As we know, the “ideal” man does not exist (the woman, for that matter!), pay attention to our imagination, to the fantasies that we can make of a relationship: if we expect too much from the other, he will take fear and flee. You have to go slow and keep your feet on the ground. Having too many expectations inevitably generates too many demands, which a man will not be able to meet.
For the specialist, “looking for true love” is already bad for the relationship,because you don’t have to expect everything from the other. First you have to be clear with yourself,know what you really want without setting the bar too high, before starting a new relationship.
Be attentive to what’s going on
The words used matter just as much as the way of speaking. Stay tuned to your body, the sensations that pass through it. You have to listen to both yourself and the other. Be careful, as the psychologist warns, one should not only listen to the other, want to “please too much” to the other fact that one can forget, and it is not good for the rest of the relationship.
Taking your time is imperative, getting to know each other. We often want to hear from the other that “yes, we are a couple”, but men generally don’t like to put words on it. On the other hand, as the psychologist explains, they show it, and just open your eyes to know whether or not you are important to him: he regularly gives you news, on Saturday evening he spends the evening with you and not with someone else, he drops a football game to spend time with you… Every man is different and sends his own signals, so keep an eye out!
Confidence is gradually building, and there are signs of reassuring, such as responding to your messages, asking you about your week if you haven’t seen each other in the last few days, if it shows interest and you questions who you are, and whether he starts telling you more intimate things about him… It is with this confidence that you will gradually enter into the intimacy of the other, but it is not done from the first appointments,a little patience!
Get to know your love languages here.
Finding the right distance
A romantic relationship is based on a good balance: leave space for desire. If there is too much desire, there will be too much fusion and man can feel invaded and can let go of everything.
It is important to create a lack,not to send 10 messages during the day (even if you are excited about having met this person, take it upon yourself!).
Let the relationship settle down little by little, and enjoy the enchantment of the encounter without stifling the other.
Play the game of seduction: if you want to go too fast and you want to go right away, the man, under pressure, can be able to say no and leave, and that’s really not what you want, right? “The faster it goes, the faster it will leave: if you go too fast at the beginning of the relationship, it may not last… explains the specialist.
Pay attention to each other’s needs, some people don’t need to see each other very often, but that doesn’t mean the person doesn’t want you. For your part, you may need to see the person daily (be careful not to suffocate him), then you must apprehend the other,and satisfy both sides, find a middle ground.
Elisabeth Couzon’s advice is to “stay in symmetry.” That is, if the other gives a phone call after 3 days, wait 3 days to make the next phone call. Allow time between text messages. In the same way, when you chat, follow the movement, synchronizing the conversation really helps to communicate better. We must not go faster than music and establish a “relational symmetry”. Let yourself be guided and adapt to the person you have in front of you…
Take the time to discover yourself
Wait to talk about love, there are a lot of topics to discuss before: what we are, our values, our way of life, our projects, our desires… Don’t forget to make the other talk too (even if you’re very talkative!), to find out what points you have in common.
If differences appear, don’t panic, they can even be an enrichment,provided you spot them and agree, so as not to create frustration afterwards.
We can never say it enough, the key to a healthy relationship is communication!
Preferably talk to each other face-to-face: men (unlike many of us) are not phone acusers for hours. Seeing yourself allows you to discover the other in more depth, you can learn a lot about the other especially by observing his gestures…
In the early days, it is best to see yourself face to face to learn more about each other. But introducing friends and meeting one’sown is also interesting to discover the other in his environment. Again you must know how to play the “relationship symmetry” by avoiding introducing him to all his friends if he has not yet introduced you to a single person. In this case, wait a bit to introduce the others…
If during the first moments together, small arguments appear, nothing serious, it does not mean that the relationship will end. You just have to talk about it, not make it a drama. You don’t know each other, you learn a little more about each other every day,and sometimes disagreements can arise: you can misinterpret a word, and men don’t always perceive things the same way we do. In this case it is imperative to clarify the misunderstandings,do not wait. Be careful to do it lightly, expressing his feeling by using the “I” rather than the “you”: “I felt hurt when you said such a thing… ».
For the psychologist, “Making a relationship last depends in particular on the ability to clarify the various clumsiness.”
What about the exes?
There are no rules, but it is not worth saying too much, at the risk of breaking the charm of the meeting,we must remain in the seduction.
Elisabeth Couzon explains.
“Women may tend to be very curious, and to question the man about his last relationships, but he certainly doesn’t want to be interrogated. And you might regret it afterwards: too much knowledge can make you think…,”
As far as you are concerned, you must have mourned your previous romantic relationship. If this is not the case, you could experience the new relationship in reaction or compensation for the previous one. You may be angering or underinvesting because you have not “finished” the past relationship.
It is then necessary to do work on oneself upstream,and make a point: “What have I learned? What are the injuries? Where do I stand? Is there a feeling of abandonment, rejection, humiliation, betrayal to deal with? If so, work on it…